Remember a date with a guy you had no chemistry with and you never wanted to see him again? Although he is “nice”, he is not your type, conversation is kinda boring and you are “done”.
Well, here are few reasons WHY “Duty Dating” works and WHY Chemistry” could be just a Shmemistry.
In the book “The four man plan” Cindy Lu, talks about learning how to be amazingly Delicious partner by dating multiple people at the same time – Not 1, not 2, not 3… but 4 lucky ones. Each person gets 2 dates minimum.
In the book “Getting to “I do”, Pat Allen, invites you to date 3 people you have absolutely NO chemistry with. She calls it “Duty Dating” and recommends 3 dates minimum.
Of course, we are excluding un-datable people (emotionally unavailable, criminals and relatives) and being Tall, Dark & Handsome is no longer a requirement. Being Honest, Loving & Willing is.
Why the heck shall I date someone I have no chemistry with?
1. Learn to like people
Because first dates are often awkward. Most of us didn’t go to a “Perfect dating school” or read 100’s of books on the topic, so we are a bit shy, ungraceful, amateurish or simply weird. Both you and your date. If you go on 2 or 3 dates minimum, you will ‘have to’ find something wonderful in them, thus giving a chance to creating a new friend or maybe a partner.
2. Learn to like yourself
Because you probably don’t know how to act like a lady. Patient, passive, interested and gracious. Most of us try to wear the pants and be in charge of everything. Most of us try to have bigger balls than our men. When you are on a date with non-chemistry men, you can use that chance to learn how to speak your truth and share what you are (or not) comfortable with.
3. Learn how to date
When you date non chemistry people, you have nothing to risk. You can “practice” saying yes, no, asking for things, being a woman, flirting, non flirting… and if they leave – it’s not a big deal.
If you are graceful, fun, respectful and supportive, you are NOT leading him on. You are being a wonderful self and he will enjoy you and understand if attraction is (not) there.
…because there is a Prince in every frog…
4. Get your errands done
Oh how many times I have heard the excuse “I’m a busy woman, I don’t have time for guys who are not Brad Pitt looking”… well, my dear, I got news for you – most men love being active. Go hiking or workout together – thus you cross one thing off your to do list and you do it in a company of a man that could turn out to be a gem.
BTW – men are VERY helpful, willing to show you, guide you or teach you. Most will be happy to help you with your car tune up, oil change or even Costco shopping.
You can both get things done AND have a good time. You might even get surprised with how attractive he suddenly becomes.
5. Get over yourself
Because if you only date chemistry people, you are more likely to jump in the sack too soon. Then you became obsessive Oxytocin-high and off goes your sense of reason.
If you go on a duty-date with non chemistry person, you will hold your sexual horses and remain “normal”. Remember, hot Brad Pitt is visibly noticed by every woman, but a little shy Paul Potts is the jewel that nobody understands until you get to know him.
If your dating schedule is full with sexy studs, and you know how to express your truth by saying “no” to future dates with non-chemistry men, then congratulations. You have graduated that phase and you can do what you have learned.
If you are still wondering “how do I tell him I don’t want to see him again?”, that could be a sign that few more duty dates can do you good.
Many happy relationships start with “zero attraction”, or even with repelling hostility. While quite a few “perfect dream men” vanish in the dark, riding that white horse, leaving you in tears.
Give a chance to Honest, Loving and Willing men, for they make awesome life partners.
QUESTION – have you ever dated a person you were not attracted to initially and created a beautiful relationship?