The question is not if you speak love. You do! The question is How. What’s your love language? If you have been having fun dating (or suffering dating) it would be even more fun (and less suffering) when you found out what your Love Language is.
Dr. Gary Chapman in his book “5 Love languages” (1996) gives detailed explanation of each one. Here is just a short interpretation. Before you read it, please note that:
– We all desire all of the “love languages” to the certain extend. Our “primary language” is the one we desire most frequently. In it’s absence we usually have harder time maintaining the energy of love. (it’s possible, though:-)
1. Words of Affirmation
People whose primary love language is words of affirmation like to be told that they are loved, why they are loved, and how much they are loved. They are all about them words, compliments and verbal admiration. This is my primary love language. I admit openly – I am a sucker for words. Tell me sweet little lies and my heart is yours:-)
Thinking pattern: If you really loved me, you would tell me that you love me!
2. Quality Time
The key to the language of quality time is togetherness. Time spent not only in the proximity of loved ones but in mutual engagement is the key, whether it be in a shared projects, walking a dog together or simply watching television together in the evenings.
Thinking Pattern: If you really loved me, you would spend more time with me!
3. Receiving Gifts
A “gift” can be as expensive as a diamond ring for a lover or as priceless as a drawing from a child. I know someone who gets his girlfriend a gift every single time he sees her. He gets totally excited just by listening to her needs/wants/likes and finds a way to gift it to her when she least expects.
Thinking Pattern: If you really loved me, you wouldn’t wait until my birthday to give me gifts!
4. Acts of Service
This is not a clever way to trick someone into doing more housework! It’s helping out, supporting a partner by personally performing some of the activities that would ease your lovers life. Cleaning up his fridge, bringing her broken jewelry for a repair, taking him to the airport. Being there for them. One of the sweetest acts of service I received was quality support in building this website. All custom. All perfect. Thanks Hrvoje!
Thinking Pattern: If you really loved me, you would help out more !
5. Physical Touch
More than just sex, people whose primary love language is physical touch are the huggers and cuddlers of this world. They are “touchy-feely” and experts at literally “keeping in touch”. They touch your shoulder as they talk or even hug a stranger on the street. This is my second primary love language. It feels as if I will welt if I don’t get my dose of hugz. The video here will show you how I hugged half of Waikiki for my Birthday.
Thinking Pattern: If you really loved me, you would be all over me!
Know thyself – Identify your Love Languages
To identify your primary love language or the primary love language of someone you care about, ask the following questions:
1. Which of the five languages are you most comfortable “speaking”?
People are usually best at expressing love in the way they would most like to receive it.
Example: If you’re continually telling your loved ones how much you love them, words of affirmation may well be your primary love language; if you’re always looking to spend more time with your loved ones, you may well be craving them to speak the language of “quality time” with you.
2. When do you feel most loved?
Example: When I am being held (physical touch), when I receive unexpected presents (receiving gifts), when someone does something that really helps me out (acts of service), when someone tells me they love me in “that” tone of voice (words of affirmation), when they choose to spend time with me instead of their friends (quality time)
3. When do you feel least loved?
When we are not being spoken to in our primary love language, we tend not to hear at all. Therefore, the opposite of when you feel least loved may well be the key to your primary love language.
Example: When we don’t have sex (physical touch), when they forget to buy me a present for our anniversary (receiving gifts), when they wash his car and never does mine (acts of service), etc.
We all desire ALL of the languages. You might find out that when your primary Love language is always spoken to you, your second primary surfaces, when second is fulfilled, the third comes up. Having a relationship with a person who has same primary love languages as you is very easy. Things flow more naturally at it seems like a really good match. My least important love language is quality time. I am a very off-match with someone who desires lots of the time together, because I find that smoldering and would instead love to spend my time with myself.
PS. I am Loving you in all the five languages (in my personal order)
1. I love you verbally – Volim Te – Croatian-ly
2. I hug you, pat you and squeeze you till your eyes fall out (kinda:-)
3. I bake you Croatian pie in the shape of a heart
4. I give you Liv Delicious T-shirt as a gift
5. That’s all, I have given you all the time by writing this for you, Enough now!
Do you know thyself?
In the comment section write your first 2 love languages and share if your partner has the same ones.