It’s a secret. It happens. It remains a secret…. until it doesn’t…

….and that’s when drama, pain, confusion, regret and anger starts…

We have been introduced to “He/she didn’t have all the needs met in the marriage”, as a common reason for infidelity.
That’s just one of the top 5 reasons. Let’s dig in.

1. Non Established Relationship Status
This is the major reason for infidelity at the very beginning of a relationship. Before couple establishes sexual monogamy, before they becomeĀ “an official” couple. Usually one party thinks “we are a couple”, and the other person is “still dating” and exploring the wonderful world of options.

2. Sex Addiction
Just with alcohol or drug addiction, sex addicts “need” to have that regular dose of dopamine that only sex can give them. It might happen several times a year or several times a day.
And even in this case “once a cheater, always a cheater” doesn’t have to be true. There are some really successful Sex Addiction programs available today.

3. Accident
Yes. Long work day, an extra glass of wine at the bar with co-workers, flirt or two with a waitress….. You know how it goes.
After that, individuals could feel incredible regret, guilt and shame.
Avoiding places and activities that helps us be prone to those kinds of accidents is recommended by specialists.

4. Needs not met in a relationship
Emotional needs for connection, intimacy and fun… as well as physical needs for sexual and erotic expression, topped with a friendly kind and sexy co-worker, sometimes leads to short quick adventures, but often even to an affair that can last 15 years, or more.
This spouse who was cheated on has the hardest time to forgive and move on after this one. It often leads to #5.

5. Revenge cheating
So, you did it, I’m gonna do it.
As humans, we mostly feel – react, feel – react, feel – react…. and think later. It actually gives us a sense of power, righteousness and entitlement. It even transfers the pain into a action that feels pretty awesome. For a short while.

As far as I have researched and communicated with fellow professionals – each and every reason for infidelity can bring out a positive change. Many couples report closeness, deeper connection and fresh new dreams after the initial shock, pain and grief have dissipated.

I am in the business of change. I believe that only good can come from it all. Be a good in divorce or good in deeper connection. I believe that life is our friend and life happens.

What do you believe about affairs in todays world?

Much love, always,